and No More Self Sabotaging
I don't know if you are all like me or not, but I will have to admit when I am looking for clothes I see younger, taller, thinner models modeling the clothing, and I can talk myself out of even entertaining the idea of wearing the outfit that I was originally attracted too.
This is called self sabotaging. Before I know it I have told myself I am too old, too fat, too short, and there is no hope in even trying.
Okay, maybe that is a bit dramatic, and to be honest that would only happen on what I call a bad day. But the fact that those thoughts even enter my mind is not a good thing.
Negative messages are a very bad thing for we women of any age. I once read that we should talk to ourselves as if we were talking to our friend. I know for sure I would NEVER tell a friend,
"Oh forget it, what are you thinking? "YOU can't wear that, you are too old, too fat and way too short."
So let's talk to ourselves as if we were a friend! What would we say?
"I love the concept of that outfit and I think that color would look fantastic on you, I bet we could pull together an outfit that is similar that would be just perfect for you!!"
What I just stated is exactly what we need to do when looking for clothes for ourselves. We need to open up doors for ourselves, not shut them.
We all have to tweak outfits to fit our own style, size and color choices. Very rarely will we find one perfect outfit that fits all of the above criteria.
What I would like to promote is self awareness and making things fit our own style and desires for how we want to look, NOW, not when we lose 10-50 lbs.
If we wait to do that we will be self sabotaging our efforts. There is nothing worse than feeling fat and frumpy.
Don't wait to feel good about yourself. Feel good about yourself where you are RIGHT NOW!!
If you are on a weight loss journey still dress stylish as you go along. You don't have to make investments on pieces just buy things that make you feel good about yourself along the way. By waiting we are delaying some gratification that we really do not need to delay.
In order to give yourself positive messages, you must first understand your body type.
Know what silhouette is the most flattering on your body type.
Wear the colors that make you feel like smiling when you wear them. (we all get compliments when we wear certain colors, make those your Go-to colors for your wardrobe)
Figuring out these things will take a little bit of time and effort, but in the end it will empower you when trying to make a decision on purchasing a new piece of clothing.
I know the clothing industry does not cater to our age group at all so it is up to us to find our own niche and go for it.
Since I don't know all of you or your body types, color preferences, or what silhouette would look best on you I will have to use myself as an example in hopes to make you aware of your own attributes.
Let me show you an outfit that caught my eye due to the color combination and the stripes, both of these elements are what I enjoy wearing in my personal wardrobe. Obviously this outfit can not, and will not fit me, however I can use it as inspiration and find pieces that will work.....
She looks adorable, but let me tell you what won't work for me and why.
Let's start with the top this top will actually work for me, and I have something similar in my wardrobe, but buyer beware, all striped tops are NOT created equal.....
At first glance I bet you thought all of these tops will work for me didn't you?
#2 has a problem area for me. This is where we all need to know our own bodies and what we look best in. Most women my age do not like their upper arms to be seen and trust me I am right there with you, my upper arm thinks it is a thigh and I have renamed it THARM.
Even with my larger arms covering them does not camouflage the fact that they are big, big is big whether covered or not.
I am broad shouldered and not horribly busty but let's say big enough. Now look at #2 more closely. See where the sleeve hits, straight in line with the bust and cuts off right at above the elbow to accentuate the upper arm, kind of like Popeye!! #2's sleeve is not a good length for me, if it were even right below the elbow it would be better.
Since it gets blasted hot here in our California summers I choose to wear #1, and #4 when it is hot and #3 will work for nice Spring days. I always push my long sleeves up at the 3/4 mark, it looks a bit more youthful than an actual 3/4 sleeve Tee.
#1 sleeves are just the right length for a cooler look, and the extra embellishment across the top of the shoulder and sleeve add interest.
I might mention here I also can not wear a true boat neck if it comes to far towards the shoulder due to my weight right now, that area looks, shall we say puffy, so be aware of that as well.
#4 has a nice V-neck which is always a more slimming neckline for anyone and the sleeve length is at a good point a well.
If you have different sleeve lengths in your closet, try them on and scrutinize which looks the best. Do NOT however start telling yourself how old your arms look or how big they are, NO SELF SABOTAGING IS ALLOWED!!!
Now lets take a look at the skirt. This is an easy NO WAY, NO HOW for anyone over 30years of age in my personal opinion.
Since I am an hourglass figure type my widest point is at my hips so I have found that an A-line or a softly pleated, straight, or soft ever so slight gather works for me.
My waist is my narrowest point, and trust me narrow is subjective! To accent my waist and take away from the width of my hips I found a very cute alternative.
We probably need to talk about length of skirts here. The prettiest length for most dresses and skirts is just slightly above my knee where my leg dips in.
Look for the narrowest part of your upper leg, above the knee, or right at the knee.
Since this is a sporty look I would choose just right above my knee for my figure type and age. Here is a picture of the skirt in a different print to show you the length...
I love this outfit as well and would totally wear it, except for the ankle strapped shoes, because I have very sturdy ankles. I have found the more foot showing the more slimming it is for my ankles/cankles!
In the description the skirt measures between 21-22inches. I know from other skirts in my wardrobe that a 21 inch skirt hits at a good spot on my leg and 23 inches would be as long as I can go, it hits in the middle of my knee.
If you have great legs show them, don't cover them up, but at the same time make sure your skirts are not too short.
So there you have a very long post trying to articulate the process I have learned to go through to evaluate what will look good on me.
Trust me it has taken me years to figure this out and a lot of research. We all have to go through our own process and I hope this will help you go through your own process a little more easily.
I am not an expert, just a woman of a certain age doing the best I can to look and feel good about myself. I am learning right along with you my dear readers!